One Wrong Decision

One Wrong Decision

Dear Diary, Cara stared at the words with growing frustration, then anger. Why do I have to resort to pouring out my feelings out on a mere scrap of paper? Isn’t there anyone, anyone at all who cares and understands? She clutched at her hair. I sure blew it way back when I was a kid, but I didn’t know any better, did I? Or did I? She leaped up and paced back and forth in front of the darkened window of the cheap apartment building.

Dear Diary, She sat down and stared at the words once again, then picked up her pen. Memories came flooding back. From her viewpoint the most precious recollection of them all seemed to be enshrined in gold. I was so happy that summer when I was nine. Les and Bonny cared for me like a daughter. I know they cared even though I stressed them out many a time with my wild ways. But I blew it. I blew it! I chose not to stay, and every home since then has been worse in one way or another. I never knew it would be such a rocky road if I took my own way, but how can I ever get back to that peace and serenity I knew as a kid on the farm?

She pressed her fingers against her lips to keep them from trembling, but the tears pooling in her eyes couldn’t be so easily stooped. I even stooped to asking Les’ if they would take me in; let me find a job in their community, but no, of course not. It was too late. They had their own children to think about. They didn’t say so, but I knew they thought I might be a bad influence on them. And it’s true. I might.

She viciously tore the tear stained paper out of the notebook, ripped it in half, crumbled it, and tossed it on the floor. I’m not the same girl I was then. In some ways I am even worse. And, yeah, their children would be curious to know what I have gone through, and in a weak moment, I would tell them…and relish it.

Oh God what do I do about this longing in my breast, so dull and yet so real? I want a different life. I want to find that light at the end of the tunnel but there are so many boulders in the way. How will I ever find it? She lay her head down on the desk and wept.

Come unto me all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew11:28

If this sounds like you, remember there is HOPE. Reach out to God and he will reach out to you. 

Who Told You God Was a Hard Task Master? Who Dared?`

I like to spend time with God first thing in the morning. These days it`s the topic of choices that caught my attention, and what the Bible has to say about them. Did you know that  in Deuteronomy we are encouraged to bring our choicest offerings? Well, knowing me, that got me curious to know what was being referred to, so I hauled out the good old Matthew Henry`s commentary which is great source for inspiring observations.

I was surprised that way back in the Old Testament times already God wanted us to worship Him with holy joy. Our soul is nourished when we come before Him with a thankful heart. That`s when we are best able to commune with Him and He fills us with the desire to have our faith and spiritual understanding increased. He fills us with a longing to become more and more like Him in every deed and action.

So what is the choicest sacrifice? Holy joy, thankfulness.